I need help removing her.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
