tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
