She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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