i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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