i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
