FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
