I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
