MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
