tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
