He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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