what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
