You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
