i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
