I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
