she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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