can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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