He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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