every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
