Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
