We got so high we made milksteak
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am available for nakedness
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
