a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
