she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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