Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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