He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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