hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
