Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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