my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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