don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
