it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
it's like iHOP with fire
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
