i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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