i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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