If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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