You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
