but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize