so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
