"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
