i jhust puked up my retainher.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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