I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
