i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
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I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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