You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize