I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
