We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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