Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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