Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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