What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
