Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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