I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
