were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize