What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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