those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
