If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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