fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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