Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
