"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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