i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
