Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
