I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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