remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
