i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
