id be glad to
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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