If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
