he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
