good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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