He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
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Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize