I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
