so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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