What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I understand Curling. That high.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
