Small penises have feelings too.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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