I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
