I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
vagina is talking i cant
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
