Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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