You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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