i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
