You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
