i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
